So, March was interesting.
I mean, it’s no big deal. It just brought to us the COVID-19 pandemic — a global world crisis that has us in lock down while my 7-year old uses terms like “social distancing” and draws pictures of exponential curves instead of ninja rabbits.
Not going to lie. Despite my training and tools and years of personal growth and development…It’s been hard. I’ve been feeling all the feelings. A hormonal teenager has nothing on the pendulum that is my mind, body, and spirit right now.
And I’ve been afraid. About money and my business. About the safety and wellness of my friends and loved ones. About all the people who don’t have the privilege I have. I can’t even write about the fear and heartache I have for humanity right now. It’s too big to grapple with.
And I’ve been tired. Exhausted. Struggling with cognitive overload and emotional fatigue. I’ve hid under my weighted blanket and binged on shows I’m too embarrassed to claim while eating food concoctions even more embarrassing than my Netflix “watched” list.
And I’ve felt shame. Shame for my inability to focus. For my failed attempts at pivoting to productivity. For my home schooling abilities or lack thereof.
But, I’ve also been well.
I’ve found so many small, ordinary moments of joy with my family. So much gratitude for all that I have.
I’ve found peace in being out of the hustle and grind. Of having to slow down and attend to the present moment.
I’ve found grounded confidence in being imperfect. Of knowing what really matters and allowing that to be perfectly enough. Of letting go of things that didn’t serve me but that I would never have released if not for a kick in the ass such as this.
I’ve also found new depths of my compassion and grace. New ways to be generous and serve. New ways of looking at those around me. New ways of setting boundaries and asking for what I need.
I’ve been a fully expressed human. Shadow and light. Grief and gratitude. Pain and joy.
And for me, that’s always the goal.
For this round up, I’m sharing a picture of my new working conditions. Because as challenging as it is that my new co-workers steal my food and space and internet bandwidth while refusing to respect the office common areas, I have gained so much from this experience. And so this picture reminds me to allow my heart to break open, not apart. And to honor the present for all that it offers – positive and not so fun.
I hope you all are well and safe. I can’t take away the vulnerability, fear, or pain. But I can tell you that we’re here together.
And here’s my content round up:
- How Toilet Paper Shortages Are Really Lessons for Courageous Leadership
- Leading in the Sludge Puddles of Hard Truths
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