Bees, Gremlins, and Quiet in a Chaotic Mind

Your head is filled with bees and gremlins.

The bees are a chaotic tornado of swirling pellets. They buzz with endless lists of things to do, remember, and decide upon. They smell your fear and need for clarity. Then, they swoop in, pollinating your head with distracting thoughts and intruding memories.

The gremlins are worse. As the world fuels them with water and snacks after midnight, they create a cacophony of chatter. The volume makes a murder of crows seem silent in comparison. The gremlins poke. They prod. They paralyze as they chant. “You aren’t good enough. You messed up. You aren’t worthy. They don’t like you. You will fail.”

You sometimes feel tight and small. Your gut tells you the bees and gremlins aren’t helping. In some cases, they are the root cause of it all.

You aren’t alone. I have bees and gremlins too. A lot of us do. Sometimes they serve a purpose. Often, they just need to shut it. But, they are part of our amazing selves, and we are perfect and whole with them on board. The key is not letting them ride shotgun. They go in the back seat with the snack wrappers and shoes with broken heals. Back there, they can’t give you jerk brain.

Jerk brain

As a neuroscientist, I learned the mind is an amazing, magical place. It has seemingly infinite capacity to invent and create. It carries mental loads, draws connections, and computes with herculean strength. The mind is beautiful and powerful.

In all its glory, the mind can also be a humongous pain in the a**. It can be hijacked and manipulated. It can be too inventive and clever and busy. Oh, and it houses the bees and gremlins.

Some days, the chaos is merely annoying. Other days, you wake up with serious symptoms of jerk brain. Anxiety. Rumble tummy. Fatigue. Decision block. A case of the “curl-up-in-a-ball-and-binge-on-Netflix-itis.”

What would it feel like to have fewer (or quieter) jerk brain days?

For me, it is the feeling you get when you take a really deep breath and smile at the same time. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, try it now.) That’s the feeling for me. What about you?

Calm in the chaos

I hear you. Minimizing jerk brain would feel like rainbows and unicorns and house-cleaning fairies all bundled up into an ice cream cone. So, you are probably wondering, “How do we find calm in the chaos?

The good news is many ways exist to minimize jerk brain. Unfortunately, a single blog post can neither cover them all nor offer the prescription for your unique needs. But, I can share how I’m finding my calm with the hope of offering inspiration. Maybe you’ll even get a laugh or two out of it. If nothing else, maybe you’ll feel a little less alone.

I will share some of my strategies in a three-part series on finding calm in a chaotic mind. Stay tuned for part one: Daily Habits of Smoke and Light.

Why smoke and light? Well, if you want to quiet bees, smoke them. (Put smoke on them; do not light them on fire and inhale them.) And, if you want to get rid of gremlins, shower them with light (not water). But, if I’m being honest, the real reason is this. When people ask you what’s new in your world, imaging staring at them intently with a large smile and saying, “Not much. I’m just working on my daily habits of smoke and light.” Boom.

As you wait in anticipation for the series to kick-off, I leave you with questions to ponder.

  • What have you tried in the past to quiet the bees and gremlins? How did it work for you?
  • What are your daily habits now? Do any bring you calm in the chaos? Do any move you away from this goal?
  • Of the positive habits you’ve worked to develop, which have been sustained over time? Which have fizzled out? What do you think the difference is between the ones that stuck and the ones that got away?

Feel free to share and leave your thoughts in the comments!

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